Every day I had to dig through
deeply rooted malignancies
and clusters of phosphorescent spider eggs and webs full of
dead flies draped throughout a
long-abandoned domain
once inhabited
                    by my mind.

the roots pushed and
twisted their way through
thick walls of the
foundations and membranes
of spirit, mind and body
where I didn't even know
how to feel, all I knew is
that I had crossed unseen
         no trespassing signs.

in life among the living
I lived as though I were dead.
in the midst of vast human knowledge I held
        vast emptiness instead.

this lack of substance was
all that was left in my mind.
I found myself trying to buy
back more of what I
had to
          leave behind.

my mind and spirit were in lockdown. in this death I
began to die. when I was
high I felt let down.
     in the truth I saw a lie.

the dawn of each new day
filled the sky with hues of a
darker light. since all of
the windows were barred
       and boarded-up

the only way I could see
glimpses of a brighter
light or others living life
were through any thin
little cracks I could find.

like an addict trying to
avoid their addiction,
each new day and every
waking hour I would find
myself learning what I was
        losing my mind
        trying to forget.

I was so sick and tired of
     d . . . always going down.
          o
        w
           n.

truth only strengthened
         this neurotic depression.

but in the throes of pain and breakdown I found hope in
a New Day. when I was lost
in the cycles of confusion
I at least found pieces of
peace and pieces of mind
        along the way.

when I die with the sun in
the midst of the evening
I now find enough faith
   to believe I will
            rise with it again.

when I seem to have lost
all of my chances, I clutch desperately to any strand
     of a chance to begin.

saving what's left of my mind.
buying what used to be mine.