Water droplets marking my page
as if my tears cant be wiped away.
I'm at the end of my ability to cope
so I ready the noose and my neck for the rope.
I think of my life and all I regret
I think of memories I wish to forget.
I then try to focus on the good not the bad
the days with my kids, well the few that we had
The days when my smile wasn't a fake
and all of the decisions that I didn't make.
I think of what my life could have been
had I chosen the other path would I still have been me?
Who would I be and would the end still be now?
Could I have been someone different,
if I'd just figured out how?
And if I managed to do it,
to be someone else..
Would that person also truly despise themself?
Or would they be happy with the life they had made,
if they were able to take the path I didn't take?
Would they be a good mom who was raising her kids?
Or would my children still even exist?
How can my life really have any worth,
when everytime I try anything it never works?
I can't even get myself off of dope for my kids,
I never expected my life to be this.
That's why I'm ready, girls please don't blame yourselves.
I just can't keep on living,
when I'm creating and living in hell.