it's been a very long time
since I've looked at the stars
and seen stars

I am learning how to do everything again
how to live
after a decade of dying
how to get up and brush my teeth
and learn things
speak to people
how to look up at the stars
and not count the days until my death

there are days when the sweet blade against my skin
seems preferable than looking myself in the mirror
but the knives stay in the drawers now
not under the mattress

it's difficult now
but if I have done nothing in my life
at least I have learned how to live
how to see the stars
for once