my hands bled
small red crescent moons
etched deep into my palms
that drip onto my lap
when i watch
                 i    c a n ' t    s a y    i t
and i breathe
shakey
spelling out your name
across my skin
in goosebumps
but my blood goes cold
and boils too hard
bubbling into my temples
popping in my brain
a banging
a raging
anger
my vision goes red

and yet.