Long drives, chai and that heavy metal song

Days may have been shorter but those nights always felt long

Wonder why these little things

Pinch every moment I live today

With every breath chasing answers

Every prayer cajoling you to still stay

Every day, since you left, feels unreal,

something I refuse to always believe

It shocks me how my mind sets those dark deals

Contemplating your choice to instantly leave

Nights are sleepless, as days pass by

Yet nothing remains other than the regret of those past lies

My heart sinks recalling every memory we shared

Can't even describe how living this life has never made me this scared.

The world without you was still as normal as before

But in my head, it all felt as if I sank just a tad bit more

As I stepped out of those four walls into reality

I left a piece of my broken self among those closed doors

Voices are silenced and memories have faded like sawdust in the air

You've gone to stars, as my fingers tremble to see you there.

That urge to strongly get out of here

never thought it would make me fear

Every word I said repeats constantly inside

As regret fills me up and my will to live dies

Was sort of pain already never enough

You had to teach me this lesson as you rest in the heavens above

Wish I could show you what it felt like

to feel what you've made me feel in this very time

Tarnishing my ability to internally heal

Feeling like I was worth less than a dime

Crying, sobbing, reminiscing isn't abnormal in these stages

Grief is so wholesome, it fades but never ages

Wounds feel as fresh as new as they hit my heart

Rewind is so addictive, can't begin to restart

Dark nights or sunny days

Stormy sights alongside a summery haze

Nothing matches up to such harsh goodbyes

Except me asking a thousand whys

Eventually, I know we'll all find something new to taste,

a new perspective that'll never go to waste,

yet welcoming this novel self that I become,

closes a portion of me that's so tight and numb

Every morning I ask God a million questions

About what may have possibly gone wrong

Agonising this personal invasion

And feeling as if nowhere is where I truly belong

With no answers but teary eyes,

that forcefully shut through these terrible mental bytes,

of familiarity that sticks to you being around,

my new normal is so unbearably drowned

I've been walking on this

never-ending highway to a living human hell,

With a drop of inevitable trauma and

the feeling of frozen body cells

There's a space that remains empty

That possibly can't be refilled

I hope you forgive me gently

As closure defeats the intuitive guilt

The human body has been known to forget

To restart, refresh, retake and reset

But no film matches to the ****** of this one

You were so much more than what can't now be undone

I'm obviously progressing through the present as it may seem,

but that night, that decision, that action still is as if it were a dream,

when the trauma shall surpass, the memories appear,

never had the thought of losing you this year

You're the memory I'll never forget,

those days we spent can't be over just yet,

truth is you ain't here anymore,

you've left too soon and will be missed to the core