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Nov 2020
I will
do just that
until i'm nothing
but art

something to be admired
would you like that?
would you like it?
do you like art?

canvas
paintbrush
paint
why are you crying about it?

Relax,
I have a towel, it won't
get on your
precious ******* clothes

don't call someone.
I
said
don't.

I'm fine
happens all the time
just shut up
help me clean.

why the ****
are you looking
at me
like that

like I'm disgusting
like I'm *******
gross..
****.

it's just paint.
taste it
do you want to touch it?
the paint's running off the canvas, let me get that.

sorry.
not a lot of people get it
not a lot of people like it.
you like art, don't you?

do you like to paint?
I've been inside your backpack.
I've seen you in your hoodies.
I've seen it all.

don't look surprised.
the little lighter in the side?
i like it
i wanted to light myself on fire.

do you burn your art?
do you burn the canvas?
sometimes it's frustrating
so you want to ruin it.

sometimes it's okay
to ruin things.
Daddy ruined mommy
mommy ruined you.

let me see.
don't scream. let me.
let me ******* see.
you saw mine, it's only fair, right?

there.
there it is.
you've dug hard, yeah?
do you like it?

have you shown anyone else?
no?
they saw but you didn't want them to.
the other ones reacted awfully, huh?

you're lucky I'm here.
I'll love you regardless,
you're not a freak to me.
just a bit messy.

i like messy.
your blood tastes nice, yknow.
i want to open them wider.
watch it flow.

shut up.
stop crying.
stop.
no one cares.

there. not too bad.
I just want to see your insides.
i will know how you work.
is that okay?

I'll carve my name next
it would look pretty, right?
you do it, too,
on me.

we can just leave each other
little messages.
i love you,
y'know?

you don't have to worry anymore
we're gonna keep each other's secrets
sometimes art is a group project.
no one gets to see but me.

does it hurt?
you'll get used to it
you'll crave it.
just like i do.

stop sniffling,
you jumping will make me mess up.
you want to hurt.
not die, yet, right?

sometimes, when I'm alone
at night
or day
or anywhere

i paint little flowers.
little smiles
little words
little things

****
****
****
****

you do too,
i saw it on your thighs.
i saw the words.
did that say "hate?"

what do you hate.
tell me.
tell me it all.
I'm going to find out.

yknow.
I've been through some ****.
we all have.
gotta cope some way.

clean yourself up
don't ******* touch me.
i say when you touch me.
i say.

you're so soft. just grab the brush.
grab the brush, do it.
I'm painting.
I'm painting.

we're gonna paint the sky, the stars.
nah, ******' with you.
we're drawin' grass right now.
see where that goes.

you look shocked.
stop looking.
you're cute when you're afraid.
relax, I'll live.

i wish someone would tell me it's
******* fine.
god do NOT ******* touch me.
I'll **** you.

I'm going to die alone.
I'll pretend that I'm fine with it.
I'll pretend that I'm not playing with the crippled canvas.
how much until it rips in half, i wonder.

sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so ******* sorry.
i think that i think too much. i don't want your ******* pity, i want to **** myself up. jesus **** there's somethin' wrong with me.
J
Written by
J  18/Non-binary/Between Earth and Hell
(18/Non-binary/Between Earth and Hell)   
717
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