I live deep inside my own head. I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever make it out. Alive. I don’t know what living is anymore. I’m never fully present. There’s always a piece of me off somewhere else. My mind wonders off... I don’t even have control of it anymore. I do it subconsciously. I’ve been in my own head for so long now. I don’t know where it all began. Maybe puberty. When I was in 5th grade I became a “woman.” I was also hurt deeply by many people that year. Friends introduced me to things a little girl should never be exposed to. Then middle school was tragic. I was hurt more times than I can count. Maybe that’s when the day dreaming began. The real world hurt me so badly that I had to create my own world. My own reality. After awhile I stopped knowing the difference. Reality vs Fantasy What is there to pursue in this reality? Motivation left me years ago. I beg her to come back but she never does. Why should I pursue dreams in the real world, when I can achieve so much more in my world. I guess that’s why Motivation left me. She served no purpose in my life anymore. I now live for the small things in the real world. Seeing a new movie. Eating at my favorite restaurant. Hanging out with my best friend. ... I’ll save the big stuff for my world.