Everyday I learn something new about myself,
I’d like to think I’m a good person,
Most days I am,
Some days, the bad ones,
I go insane,
I either hate myself, the world, or worse my family,
I hate that my illness hurts them too,
Hallucinations and delusional,
Stopped taking my meds for a while,
Manic high,
Psychotic behavior,
Police tell me to give them the knife,
Sitting in this hospital alone thinking about life,  
I’ve done so many horrible things in my life,
Yelling at my family,
Saying rude things,
And aggressive behavior in my mind,
Cutting myself,
Psychotic for a while,
Hospitalized,
Angry and confused,
I take it all out on you,
Mom,
I love you,
Sorry I can be so hurtful and mean,
I never meant anything I said,
Sorry I’m a lot to handle,
Sorry I can’t control my emotions,
Sorry for the mis behavior and hurt I’ve caused you,
I’m sorry cause I really love you,
I wish I could make up every time I called you a horrible name,
Mom,
I wish I wasn’t always so mean,
Mom I glad you’re still around,
Mom I would know what to do if you weren’t always there for me,
I love everything you do for me,
I’m sorry I can be so mean,
I’m sorry I can’t control my feelings,
I’m sorry I hurt my family,
My new hope is to keep taking my medication,
Be a better daughter, sister, and person,
Stop blaming the world, my mom, and brothers for my problems,
Realize I’m my own problem,
My illness shouldn’t be ignored,
I have to take care of my mental health,
Choose kindness over anger,
Let the past be,
Let myself be free.