Jun 2020
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I wasn’t a mess.
What would happen if I got to see you in a dress.
What would happen if I let myself cry on your chest.
What would happen if I took 2 seconds to breathe and to rest.
I didn’t give myself a chance because couldn’t.
And I know you can’t forgive me and you shouldn’t.
I know I through the sink at you
And I’m just glad that you withstood it.
Of all the people in the world I could hate,
I just hope to God you’re doing great.
I still remember that $30 bucks you snuck into that hat somehow.
I guess I just wanna day thanks.
Most days, I wish I would stop breathing.
the same thoughts always repeating.
I stole years from your life
You’ll never get back,
I truly hope you gaining someone from them.
I don’t know if you still think of me.
I don’t know if you’re glad I moved on
Or If you hope I get struck by lightning twice at once.
Or Maybe somewhere in between?
Sometimes regret and anger bugs me,
Until I see my daughter smile in her pink onesie.
I hope one day we can be in the same place and nod.
And acknowledge that the last happened.
we both did messed up things we can’t take back.
I’ll never hate you for it
I’m mostly grateful for it.
I hope you can feel the same back.
Most importantly I’m sorry
For never trying talking
For giving into pills
And turning my back and walking.
I’m doing my best but it’s never enough
I understand that so I just don’t expect much.
I just wanted write something that isn’t depressing.
Not to cry and moan just because I’m stressing.
Not even to apologize and say I’ve learned my lesson.
Just as a loving way to say hi
And give a final goodbye.
What would happen if I got to see you in a dress.
What would happen if I let myself cry on your chest.
What would happen if I took 2 seconds to breathe and to rest.
I didn’t give myself a chance because couldn’t.
And I know you can’t forgive me and you shouldn’t.
I know I through the sink at you
And I’m just glad that you withstood it.
Of all the people in the world I could hate,
I just hope to God you’re doing great.
I still remember that $30 bucks you snuck into that hat somehow.
I guess I just wanna day thanks.
Most days, I wish I would stop breathing.
the same thoughts always repeating.
I stole years from your life
You’ll never get back,
I truly hope you gaining someone from them.
I don’t know if you still think of me.
I don’t know if you’re glad I moved on
Or If you hope I get struck by lightning twice at once.
Or Maybe somewhere in between?
Sometimes regret and anger bugs me,
Until I see my daughter smile in her pink onesie.
I hope one day we can be in the same place and nod.
And acknowledge that the last happened.
we both did messed up things we can’t take back.
I’ll never hate you for it
I’m mostly grateful for it.
I hope you can feel the same back.
Most importantly I’m sorry
For never trying talking
For giving into pills
And turning my back and walking.
I’m doing my best but it’s never enough
I understand that so I just don’t expect much.
I just wanted write something that isn’t depressing.
Not to cry and moan just because I’m stressing.
Not even to apologize and say I’ve learned my lesson.
Just as a loving way to say hi
And give a final goodbye.
This isn’t a good poem. It’s just some thoughts with a rhyme scheme while thinking of one of my least favorite spoken word artists Clayton Jennings.
I will get better and I will eventually love a life that redeems my old disgusting self.
This is just for someone who inspired me for years and helped me through some awful times to no benefit of their own- even if I’m not supposed to be grateful or remember it.
I don’t know if you’ll ever see this or read this or care whatsoever that it exists.
It’s a beautiful day and it just felt right.
This is for you.
My simple hello and goodbye.
I will get better and I will eventually love a life that redeems my old disgusting self.
This is just for someone who inspired me for years and helped me through some awful times to no benefit of their own- even if I’m not supposed to be grateful or remember it.
I don’t know if you’ll ever see this or read this or care whatsoever that it exists.
It’s a beautiful day and it just felt right.
This is for you.
My simple hello and goodbye.
