Jun 2020
I lost another friend last week.
According to the will he left on his laptop,
he had been planning his death since November.
He was only 22.
This is the second friend depression has taken this year.
I just can't wrap my head around it all.
I've cried more than I ever thought I could...
and I've slept less hours than they say I should.
He seemed so happy.
We were talking to him the night before he left.
He was always laughing and joking,
and none of us seen this coming.
I find myself being so angry at him...
because the only things he left us with are questions.
Could we have saved him?
Did we do something wrong?
Then I cry some more...
because I hate myself for being angry with him...
Especially since I know the overwhelming pain of depression.
I know how lonely it can make a person feel.
I just hate that I never told him that.
I hate that I never told him how empty I feel sometimes,
because then maybe he wouldn't have felt so alone.
Maybe it would've made him stay.
But it's too late now.
Another young life is gone...
But I refuse to watch anyone else leave...
without knowing they are loved.
So if you are reading this now,
know I love you and I care about you.
I may not know you personally,
but I promise that you matter to me.
You are here for a purpose.
Your life is worth more than you will ever know.
If you leave you won't take the pain away,
you'll just give it to others to carry for you...
So please stay.
There is hope.
Just keep going.
Keep fighting.
Think of your family.
Your friends.
The music you haven't heard yet...
the movies you haven't watched...
the people you haven't met yet...
Think of anything...
as long as it keeps you here with me.
Just keep breathing.
According to the will he left on his laptop,
he had been planning his death since November.
He was only 22.
This is the second friend depression has taken this year.
I just can't wrap my head around it all.
I've cried more than I ever thought I could...
and I've slept less hours than they say I should.
He seemed so happy.
We were talking to him the night before he left.
He was always laughing and joking,
and none of us seen this coming.
I find myself being so angry at him...
because the only things he left us with are questions.
Could we have saved him?
Did we do something wrong?
Then I cry some more...
because I hate myself for being angry with him...
Especially since I know the overwhelming pain of depression.
I know how lonely it can make a person feel.
I just hate that I never told him that.
I hate that I never told him how empty I feel sometimes,
because then maybe he wouldn't have felt so alone.
Maybe it would've made him stay.
But it's too late now.
Another young life is gone...
But I refuse to watch anyone else leave...
without knowing they are loved.
So if you are reading this now,
know I love you and I care about you.
I may not know you personally,
but I promise that you matter to me.
You are here for a purpose.
Your life is worth more than you will ever know.
If you leave you won't take the pain away,
you'll just give it to others to carry for you...
So please stay.
There is hope.
Just keep going.
Keep fighting.
Think of your family.
Your friends.
The music you haven't heard yet...
the movies you haven't watched...
the people you haven't met yet...
Think of anything...
as long as it keeps you here with me.
Just keep breathing.
My husband and I lost a close friend last week. He decided to take his own life Monday, June 1st, 2020. When they found him, he was still breathing, but barely. On June 2nd, his parents had to make the choice to let him go... because he would not be coming back to us. I don't want to lose anyone else like this ever again. My heart is so shattered... I can't even imagine what his family is feeling. He was the funniest, craziest guy you'd ever meet. He had a way of making everyone smile... except for himself. And no one knew how bad things were for him... If he knew how many people loved him and how many people he was hurting by leaving us... he never would've left. I think that's the problem. Depression makes us only see the things it wants us to see... meaning we fail to see those who would be lost without us if we weren't here. I suffer from depression and anxiety, but I refuse to be another victim of it. I refuse to be another statistic or tragic story... and I hope you do too.
