Sometimes I wonder if what I'm feeling is happiness or just being less sad
Because I forgot what happy means
It's like happiness is my uncle that I see only once a year on christmas and I only say hi because I'm to scared to star a conversation because I wouldn't know what to talk about

How do I talk to a person I have nothing in common with and
why am I supposed to be the one to start the conversation?

I can't wrap my head around the fact that some poeple are mentally stable and just go about their day when they wake up without crying after the alarm rings
Why can't I be one of them?

When I was younger my parents would read me stories about magic and fairies. They told me it's not real but I still wanted to believe.
Now when people tell me it's going to get better I just stuff these words where the memories of me wanting to be a fairy are

Far away
Because I am no longer a child
and I don't believe in something that doesn't exist