i want to hear the melodies its voice produces, and feel the butterflies in my stomach.
i want to blush when it tells me I’m pretty and feel my heart race when it touches me
i want to call someone mine. i want to be theirs.
but it feels like i am incapable, it feels like i am damaged. like the last time i was in love was really...
the last time.
am i broken? will i ever be able to feel things for someone again? to want to talk to them every day? and miss them every second we’re apart?
i have tried to fill the void with bodies but the physical does not feel the same if the emotional intimacy is not there. i want a connection beyond intertwined bodies and crumpled sheets.
just to know i can still have that. to know that my past has not ruined my future. to know that i can be fearless and allow my heart to lead me wherever it goes.
because i do want love, i want that feeling again…
i miss it.
i miss being held and knowing that the world can’t get to me in its arms. i miss being kissed and never wanting the moment to be over. i miss caring about someone so deeply it takes over my whole body.
my only hope is that one day my feelings start to make sense to me, so that i can reach the part of me that has so much love to give; because i know that it’s there, just scared in hiding... i want to let it know its okay to come out.