i want to find love again.

i want to hear the melodies its voice produces,
and feel the butterflies in my stomach.

i want to blush when it tells me I’m pretty
and feel my heart race when it touches me

i want to call someone mine.
i want to be theirs.

but it feels like i am incapable,
it feels like i am damaged.
like the last time i was in love was really...

the last time.

am i broken?
will i ever be able to feel things for someone again?
to want to talk to them every day?
and miss them every second we’re apart?

i have tried to fill the void with bodies but
the physical does not feel the same if the emotional intimacy is not there.
i want a connection beyond intertwined bodies and crumpled sheets.

just to know i can still have that.
to know that my past has not ruined my future.
to know that i can be fearless and allow my heart to lead me wherever it goes.

because i do want love,
i want that feeling again…

i miss it.

i miss being held and knowing that the world can’t get to me in its arms.
i miss being kissed and never wanting the moment to be over.
i miss caring about someone so deeply it takes over my whole body.

my only hope is that one day my feelings start to make sense to me,
so that i can reach the part of me that has so much love to give;
because i know that it’s there,
just scared in hiding...
i want to let it know its okay to come out.