maybe i’m mad because i didn’t call this shot
didn’t call the break and the fall
this time
but i ache for you
i ache for you and your hands and your love
spent the night crying into my pillow and heaving heavy sighs of discontent
we both cried before you left
last hug, tight
last hug
last.
you told me you had to leave to find yourself again
we lost who we are
as much as i get that i want to scream
why can’t we do that together
side by side why
can’t you love me like fire
instead of the wind that put you out

i was ready to give it all up
the boys the dancing the times without you by my side
living with you was my home and my bliss and now i must pack
yet again
and leave
yet again
back to a place i can’t call safe
exactly why i left it
for you.
you said you’d always catch me but now i’ve fallen to the ground
never kissing in the rain
2am cursing your name

how do i live if it’s not with you
you say you love me but that can’t be true
you should have told me when you knew.
but you couldn’t face me, could you.

i love you with everything i have left
and i could write for decades about my aching heart
but what good does that do
when i’ve already lost you