‘I don’t know’.
That isn’t an excuse. That’s not the easy way out.
I genuinely do not know the answer to the question you’re asking.
Oh you’re frustrated?
Imagine how I feel!!
You just asked that question.
I have been asking that question my entire life.
“Why can’t you just..?”
I
             DON’T
                                   KNOW !
I want to scream,
to cry,
to be heard in some way !!
and not because I need the attention but because I genuinely have something to say..
Something worth hearing..
I’m scared of what’s in my mind.
I’m scared that I’m running out of time.
I’m scared to be alone because I don’t trust myself.
Not around scissors.
Not around pills.
Not around myself.
Do you know how that feels?
Do you know how it feels
to not trust yourself
around yourself?
I am at war.
   My mind
        vs
       Me
with my heart as a witness,
my soul as the prize
and my body, the battlefield.
I wonder..
Will I be a causality?