Dec 2019
I feel like a failure
Because I don't know what to do
Some stories are self deprecating
Most of them, actually
So will you laugh
Or am I just embarrassing
Is my stupid hair
A sign of independence
Or just something else
That makes me different
Am I everything you want
Or everything you dread
Am I a trainwreck
Already in full force
Careening off the tracks
Surrounded by bystanders
I guess it'd be funny
If I wasn't me
I'm okay with being the mess
Playing the disaster
I'm outside of myself
So it doesn't matter
If I play the fool
I'm laughing too
Because I don't know what to do
Some stories are self deprecating
Most of them, actually
So will you laugh
Or am I just embarrassing
Is my stupid hair
A sign of independence
Or just something else
That makes me different
Am I everything you want
Or everything you dread
Am I a trainwreck
Already in full force
Careening off the tracks
Surrounded by bystanders
I guess it'd be funny
If I wasn't me
I'm okay with being the mess
Playing the disaster
I'm outside of myself
So it doesn't matter
If I play the fool
I'm laughing too
I'm such a disaster lately. Either I hold it all in and keep my composure, or it all comes out and people stare. I guess I must look really stupid. I hope some people are amused by me. I laugh when I can, and pull away when I can't. I know I'm the joke here. I don't like it, but there's nothing else to do.
