Apr 2019
Please do not ask me
about why I cannot give,
or in what ways I feel unable
to start over.
I've told you before,
I've told you so many countless times,
that I cannot feel anymore,
and when I do,
it rests in a porous place in my head,
not my soul,
and I refuse
to pretend I could love another
fully,
so please,
do not ask me again.
I've told you before,
I cannot bring my heart to a pulse,
much less trust
anyone, not even myself,
with that responsibility.
I know better than to pretend
I am capable of romance,
and no sorts of pressures
will allow me to breathe easy at night;
I already have so much trouble
letting things go.
about why I cannot give,
or in what ways I feel unable
to start over.
I've told you before,
I've told you so many countless times,
that I cannot feel anymore,
and when I do,
it rests in a porous place in my head,
not my soul,
and I refuse
to pretend I could love another
fully,
so please,
do not ask me again.
I've told you before,
I cannot bring my heart to a pulse,
much less trust
anyone, not even myself,
with that responsibility.
I know better than to pretend
I am capable of romance,
and no sorts of pressures
will allow me to breathe easy at night;
I already have so much trouble
letting things go.
If you ask me to love someone else, I feel nothing, just slightly heavier but oh so very hollow. My head feels like it's wearing a helmet and I've lost my glasses somewhere. I'm in no position to start a relationship, and I can't fathom why people think I should. That's unfair to anyone you engage with.
