What if we kissed in the moonlit snow
Hidden behind that low brick wall
Surrounded by the vines?
What if you could hold me close
And never want to let go
When all was said and done?
What if we could be happy
Ever after, after all
Could it be true love?

If only these things happened in reality,
If only it wasn’t just a dream.

Yes, I dreamt of you last night.
I thought of others as I drifted off to sleep
But none of them can keep my headspace.
I want to die every day
Waiting
Wanting
Hurting.
I dreamt of you and it was so real that when I woke up I cried a little.
Because though I could still feel your breath on my skin and the bite of the cold
It wasn’t real.
You don’t love me.
My life feels a waste.
To love so deeply and be slapped in the face
With the words, “I don’t feel for you that way”
God is a cruel master
I feel like dying
For it was so real, so lovingly true (at least to me,)
That when I woke up
I died a little.

What if we really caressed as lovers do
Under the falling icy sky
Deep within the brambles?
What if we really touched and loved and smiled
Living for one another
Under that grey sky?
What if we really were as one
And my days were not wasted pining
And I was truly happy?

What if I could find someone who pushed you out of my mind?
Can I even hope to be happy?
I doubt it, love
Because until I can
I will continue to want to die.