I get in a strange state of mind sometimes
Felt this misery before
It is back to disrupt my life
Tend to stand aside, not much more.

It will show what a worthless weakling I am
Leaves me asking why I'm here
Plead and cry for cooperation
Detached and losing those I hold dear.

This sick fixation warps me
Health suffering consequences
Any asset absent was robbed or wrecked
Drugs crushed every last one of my defenses.

Going crazy to find relief
Addiction pulls miles of nerves
It was my own ill judgement that led me here
In a way what I deserve.

I found comfort in orange-capped needles
Counting down points til zero in the box
Began to lose my personality
My old self misplaced or sold; I forgot.

I am not stupid, at least I wasn't before,
Honestly, I promise, it is the drugs.
Think their tendrils reach my brain to the core
Shoo them then later feel in my skull a tug.

I know what I have to do
Problem is, it's hard,
Don't know why I can't pull free
The reason addicts are how they are.

I am afraid I'll forever be a slave
Too far gone to break empty routines
Knew at the start but thought there was a way around
The loopholeless addiction gene.