you have dust in your veins
and a tattoo of a black flame
with your mother's name to
the left of it in messy scrawl.
there are ***** sheets in the
bedroom with your old blue
jeans on top of them as you
forgot them when you saw
that I wasn't the dream you
had once wanted so badly.
syringes and tears are strewn
chaotically around the room
and my body is littered with
the last marks you left from
a belt and a bad word or two
from when you thought I was
making a mockery out of you.
welts and bruises tell the story
of how you had assured me I
was a loser and you were just
doing what the next guy would
do so it was only fair to laugh
as I had screamed out of fear.
you were the ultimate betrayal
when you pinned me down in
the bath and held my head so I
could not breathe and said you
would make sure I was dead if
I ever tried to leave again on a
midnight train in summer rain.
it was a world away from who
you'd been when we first met
because soon the back of my
head was wet with blood and
I would always hear the thud
of your work boots that filled
my heart and soul with dread.
inducing panic and distress
was your ******* and so I got
the blame when the beers ran
out and there wasn't any money
until next week to buy you drink.
this was the world I lived in now,
a sick desperate shell of how I
should be except I am not free.
so another day will pass and I
will refill your beer glass as you
leer at me with yellow teeth for
my grief is what ignites the thief
of joy in your bones and makes
my body your undesired home.