I don't drive down the middle
Of a back road with no name
On a dark night in the pouring rain.
I don't skip meals for days on end
Well, maybe I do,
But not as often as I used to.
I don't lay in bed staring at pills
That I know could end it
If I took one too many
And I don't question
How much "too many" is
That's mostly because
I already know the answer
But it's still progress.
The scars are fading
And my skin doesn't burn so much
Anymore, in fact
Its grown numb over the years.
And that's a nice change
Compared to the pain
Of wanting to end it
But knowing there is something to live for.
It was never because I felt
That I had no purpose
Or that you would be better of without me.
You were right when you said
That I was purely selfish
For wanting to go.
My reasons were simple,
I was so ******* tired
And as I glance towards the gun
Quick enough that you will never notice the longing that lingers in my eyes
I realize
I still ******* am.