In the silence, I sit and ponder,
It fills up most of the day,
It does me no good to wonder,
Why my mind leads me astray.

The tablets in the morning,
Are doing me no good,
These feelings strike without warning,
And stay longer than they should.

Harsh words echo inside my brain,
From a conscience full of hate,
Regret flows through my veins,
I lay awake at night and shake.

My life plays out before my eyes,
Every moment drenched with shame,
I cry and cry and try to dry,
Theses tears packed full of pain.

I think of the people who I’ve let down,
The times I chose myself instead,
Why do they still keep me around?
I wish that I was dead.

I beat myself up daily,
I never suffer enough,
How long can you hide? I pray thee,
Behind a masquerade of trust.

My knife starts to vocalize,
It’s stunning sirens song,
It wants to sink so deep inside,
I know it won't be long.

My emotions switch from bad to worse,
I can’t control the way they play,
They pull no punches and aim to hurt,
Soon I can’t see through the rage.


My blood, it boils at the sight,
It hurts my eyes to see,
My imagined, alternate perfect life,
Could it have been this way for me?

No matter what I do or say,
Nothing ever seems to change,
The emotions will eventually fade,
Will I still be the same?

Will I fail, will I fall?
Can I deal with it if I do?
What’s the point of it all?
These questions help to tie the noose.

There’s nothing left to do for me,
So here I sit and here I stay,
I’m too scared to take the knife and see,
What lies beyond the grave.

I guess I’ll wait and carry on,
Waiting for the sacred day,
I’ll keep singing this pathetic song,
Until the time life takes me away.