I feel so torn I love them a lot Except I feel like I can't love them as freely as I want to Because they remind me of an ex I want so desperately to let go of I want to move on with my life And to love them entirely for them Without the ripples of her Skating across my perception I feel trapped in my mind sometimes Living through past memories That only make me feel sadness now And I wonder if that closure I seek Can occur if I can forgive myself For hurting her so much How can I take responsibility and Embrace my faults and mistakes While also forgiving myself for them? Forgive myself for hurting her? Especially after realizing that My emotional unavailability caused it And I understand that I must remain compassionate And I must accept the things I cannot change It's just hard not to shame myself When the blame fits so perfectly In the palms of my hands