I woke up with my head full of rocks and my stomach a butterfly museum
With several trying to escape up the back of my throat
Pain racks the rest of my body in waves
My brain is stripped of all that happened in the last 24 hours
Regret washes over me- only softly because...
At least for a moment I felt nothing
For a moment I was not reminded of this dull empty ache between my ribs
For a moment my head was in the clouds and my body was up there with it
The clouds were more like vapor I suppose
Surrounding my head in swirling patterns
Blocking every ugly view
Including my own reflection and the intentions behind it
The people around the mirror were only fuzzy thoughts
Only in the back of my mind do those people exist
And with every swallow they become further and further muddied in the darkness
Not one possible consequence riddles my thoughts
Only when the sun rises and I peel open my dry eyes do I think for a moment
And even full of regret I will do it again tonight.