Sometimes, I am a paper girl. I look in the mirror To judge my blotches and creases- I am a pale, thin tissue That bows to the howling wind Transparent for anyone who cares enough to look.
If you like pretty pictures, I'm the one for you- A roll of film scratching laughs On curious cinema screens That could run into infinity Just to fuel your smile.
I soak up your messes willingly: All the colours that bleed and mix To form the specks of sadness In your eyes at 10.p.m And the grass stains that roll Down your bare gypsy feet And the sunflower seeds That stick to your inky lashes- These things give an echo of the flavour I miss.
I am vain I regularly conjure up poetry on my skin- Do not give me yours. I will recite it to my last paper breath So I can kid myself that paper is power.
I am not the phantom you teach to play piano Under the helter-skelter moon, I am far too fragile for that- My paper cut fingers bend And bleed light all over the keys.
My hands are a canvas For anyone's ***** details For if enough titles are painted on my body then perhaps I will learn the complex trick Of gaining depth
And maybe the world will look as full And real as I read in books And dance with in music And maybe my edges will stop being ripped Or my corners cut Or my pages burned and tossed aside.
Sometimes, I am this tiny Vulnerable Origami creature And my cream card bones tremble like feathers A bad caricature of life.
Sometimes I am full of wonder-
But right now, I am this.
I tried to put this awful blurry feeling I get when I'm lacking in creativity and motivation into words, and this is what I got. Sometimes I feel so alien.