I’ve been trying to remember who I was
before all of this changed me,
further than two steps from a grave
fighting away demons with the back of my hand
and looking at the grey-blue sky
with something more than indifference.
Who was I
before broken glass slipped its way
into my skin
burrowed into every vein
and threatened to cut me from the inside
if I dared to move,
feet planted in the dirt
hoping not to scare what soul I had left
shattered on the side of the road
where hope left me
to fend for myself.
Where was I headed
before this pain was implanted
into my brain
pushing its way into every nerve
and screaming at me to give up
before I lost my mind,
legs buckling under the pressure to fight
for people who would never understand what it meant
to be waging a war within my body.
I had to change
before life brought me down
into the pit of ignorance
where everything is bliss
but everything is a lie,
I couldn’t stand to be there
any longer than I could survive here
as I was.
I am not who I used to be,
care free and warm
I would have suffocated in my sleep
trying to be something that
wouldn’t live to see another day,
I have changed
into someone that sees pain
but also the beauty that it becomes.