Unproductivity. What a silly word. What a massive waste of time. While the minutes and even hours race by, And apparently it’s already July. The future is coming. I realize that statement is true yes, but That doesn’t mean I’m any less scared That doesn’t mean I’m any less unprepared. Time moves fast, most of the time that is. However there are those moments Where I’m struggling to stay afloat Resisting the lull of falling behind Persisting despite my hatred of My somehow ever-racing mind I don’t know what to do to slow down I just need more time, time to breathe. Time to relax, time to let life pass me by Maybe just a for a day, where I could get away. I could leave this town, and avoid My suffocating obligations And my equally frustrating Responsibilities and duties . And worst of all, The winner of them all by far, The anxiety that holds my brain hostage. Telling me that there’s no time Yelling at me to focus, to get things done. But all I can do is sit. There, quietly. And stare at the wall directly in front of me For what seems like hours but they’re actually days. And everything seems to be slipping by. Minding it’s own business, and I wish it wouldn’t. I feel as if I’ve lost my tie, my lock to my identity. The person I thought I used to be Dedicated and focused. Is now frustrated and unmotivated What am I supposed to do? I suppose, I’ll continue to sit here. Whether it be at my desk, on my bed. Racking the ideas and words through my head. Over and over attempting to Wait out this unproductivity. And praying that inspiration Won’t take much longer Because I’m afraid I’ve lost what I used to have.
Unproductivity is defined as a lack or abscence of productivity. Where did it go? I used to be so motivated, so driven, where did it all go? I'm not quite sure, but I hope it decides to return sometime soon. I miss it very dearly. July 7, 2018.