Depression
For me
is never
This
or
That.

Some days it's being sad
So sad and play that sad playlist
Titled Sad Songs
Make me cry
to
Make me feel
to
Make me
Sad.

Other times
I'm
Out with friends doing
Things I usually love and we're
"Having fun!"
But I'm
Faking it.
Don't wanna bother them
"Oh no I'm just tired"
Sort of
Depressed.

But then there's this.
I can't.
I'm
                           numb.
I'm here but I'm not
I'm laughing and
Responding and I'm here
But I'm
not.
And I'm terrified of myself.
Because if I'm not here
Who is in control of me
Aside from my
depression.
It's at this stage
That I stop.
And I'm not me anymore.
I'm just
             off.