perhaps this has lost its spark

perhaps i no longer feel the words hanging on the edge of my tongue
waiting for my mouth to open and for them to drip off
onto paper
the way they always used to
used
to

or perhaps the doors to my mouth (heart) have been slammed shut by expectations
from my family (no)
my friends (no)
society (no it's not)

from myself

exams and grades and my overwhelming urge to try hard and work hard and do well and i'm just so scared of failing—

it builds upon my shoulders
i feel like atlas carrying the weight of the earth except
there's nothing beautiful in the weight i'm carrying
there's nothing living

perhaps i'm thinking too much
this might just be paranoia (no)
this might just be writer's block (no)
this might just be me being me (it's not)

perhaps i've just lost a bit of inspiration

*perhaps i've just lost a bit of myself