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Why did I shatter my mirror?

Let me tell you,

friend.

It started when you sent those simple texts.

You saw nothing wrong with them,

but those ruined me, my friend.

”You’ve changed someone as a person and their friend doesn’t even want to be their friend anymore.”

I went from person to person apologizing, when only one of them blamed me.

That person told me I didn’t change them, but I never told you that.

”I mean, that’s what friends sorta do right?”

You were the last person I trusted, and all that trust was broken. All of it.

Then, you have the nerve to complain about your problems after crushing everything I worked to establish with you.

After crying for hours, I went back to ask some questions that were plaguing me.

”Nobody treats me like you. I’m sick and tired of it and countless other people are.”

Those **** words were ringing in my ears for another week until I finally had enough distractions to make me forget.

I looked in the mirror, and I vowed to never trust again.

I apologized to so many people.

Each time I was sobbing.

I’m still sorry.

I still tear up when talking about it.

That’s why I shattered my mirror.

I had learned to stand up high, and be happy right before the day you sent those texts.

I had friends who liked me and laughed at my jokes.

I finally learn to stand up confidently.

Then, you push me down, so hard that I’m not sure I’ll ever stand up again.

You want to know the truth, pal,?

The only reason I didn’t put a bullet in my head that day was because I was too numb and shaky to stand.

The countless words I’ve left out of this story. The hours of conversation I had with myself because of this story. They will remain a secret.

So every time I look at you I see my flaws and my wrong-doings! Can’t you see? I hate myself as much as you do!

When you approached me, and I flinched away in terror you said to me,
”What the f_ck is wrong with you?”

I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I can’t make eye-contact with you. I’m sorry I’m such a wreck.

And I know you want to be friends again.

That’s why I shattered my mirror.

To remind myself I’m not good enough. To remind myself I’m worthless.

I have difficulty looking in the mirror without commenting on all my flaws.

Everything reminds me I’m not good enough.

i’m sorry

I’ve learned my lesson.

I’ve lost my friends.

That’s why I shattered my mirror.

Are you satisfied?

Now let me send you away with this.

You succeeded in turning me into an almost different person.

You won.

So this is the history as written by the loser, who lost trust, stability, and friends.

That’s why I shattered my mirror.