Still Running

She’s still running,
so when I offered her my home,
and a place to unpack,
she didn’t even stay long enough to hang her clothes,

I suppose,
we’ve all gotta find our way on our own,
I suppose,
not every place we lay our head is our home,

in a zone,
can’t answer my phone,
don’t know where it started,
or where it will end,

she said she wanted a friend,
someone she could feel comfortable,
but I betrayed her trust because I’m a Man in Lust,
so instead of a friend I touched her like her drunk uncle did,

I’m sick,
don’t go so far as to put anything in,
but I did cross a line,
when I got turned on and held her hand,

****,

****,
what happened to our plans,
****,
what happened to a Happily Ever After end,

what ever happened to functional,
why do we have to all grow up so fckt up,
when well we find a place where we can heal,
who will help you me us we finally grow up,

I’m torn up,
and I know exactly how she feels,
because I was taken advantage of as a kid too,
and I know exactly how much she wants to heal,

but you can’t heal a wound,
if you don’t open it up,
and she’s still busy running from your pain,
and covering up her cuts,

and this is exactly why,
when I started to cry,
she began to get scared,
and decided to take flight,

because she thought I was becoming,
exact what she feared the most,
which is an unstable person,
that can not offer her solid support,

so she left,
without closure,
and I messaged her,
once I’d gained my composure,

I apologized for being so emotional,
and for not communicating with her clearly,
I wrote her I’d do anything to see her again,
I wrote her that I missed her very dearly,

she wrote back saying I could meet her at the airport,
to say goodbye,
but asked me not to ask her to come back,
because she wasn’t changing her mind,

I immediately agreed,
and asked her what time her flight was,
9:45 at LAX,
which was exactly when and where my flight was,

so we met at the airport,
and had a soul to soul,
you know the kind of conversation,
that simply can not be had over a telephone,

I apologized,
for not being the man then that I was now,
and told her,
if she came back I’d be willing to take that vow,
she smiled,
saying we’d only known each other a few days,
I smiled,
and replied when it comes to Infinite Love time doesn’t matter anyways,

we said our farewells,
and I watched her disappear up the stairs,
then I went to check in for my flight,
because I too had to get out of there,

and wouldn’t you know it,
in a twist of fate,
it turned out that my flight and her flight,
were departing from the same gate,

31A and 31B,
this must be destiny,
so there we were a with each other again,
just her and me,

and this is when she told me,
as the salty water began to appear in windows to her soul,
that when I’d called her to invite her to California,
she’d thought that she’d finally found a place where she could feel comfortable,

how she’d been in this cycle of meeting men that made her feel unstable,
and I knew she’d been in this cycle ever since her drunk uncle,
and I knew that even though I’d improved and could provide the stability she craved,
it was too late and she was gone gone away to probably repeat the same mistakes,

because she’s not going to get rid of the issue until the issue is faced,
and she’s not going to be able to face her issues if she keeps running away,
and I could have been the one to see her through be her truth and heal her too,
but instead I just lusted after her became emotionally unstable and pushed her away,

and that hurt me more than almost anything ever,
because I realized I’d betrayed her trust in the worst way,
I realized all she needed was a true friend and then maybe a lover,
not a lover that she didn’t love that couldn’t behave,

and then I watched her walk away,
for the 3rd time in as many of days,
and even though she walked,
we both knew what she was really doing was running away…

∆ LaLux ∆

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