i wish i was still your lover
i wish it was your hands tracing circles across my flesh
instead of the grimy man next door who doesn't really feel it
i wish it was your lips gently pressed against the nape of my neck
instead of the icy cold stares that I get from the people passing by
being drowned under their judgements and my own sinking feelings
3750 the house with the pine trees on the left and also on the right
the one that we spent our last night intertwined in
the one that we broke in
do you remember?
looking for keys at 3
and laughing or maybe it was screaming my name from rooftops
we practically drank ourselves blind
that night. you probably don't remember.
i mean we were both so wasted
but we were in love
i miss that, i miss you.
i regret it as soon as the words leave my mouth but
there's really no other way to put it.
no distractions to take me away from the reality of it.
you were gone, and i was alone.
but truth be told you were never really mine.
i knew it was only a matter of time
before you grew and explored too far
before you found other souls to confide in
other souls to lose your mind in
but before i get lost in my anger and sadness
let's take a moment to go back to our happiness
i remember you
let me drown out my sadness within the miles of your arrogance
never afraid, never hesitated
you have an inflated superfluous sense of self i mean who even are you
i don't blame you, i know that i, too
am in love with that stupidly
brilliant mind of yours
you let me drown in your strong arms and confident strides  
barreling down the highway with your hand locked on my thigh
with rock blasting in the background
the world feels slightly like a gorgeous haze
sort of the way i look at your bruised face
sort of the way you keep your eyes on the road
i guess we'll be the love story that goes untold
but i can't get your hands, your voice,
out of my head, i know that this was your choice
but were time reversed i'd go back
to that lonely Friday when you said you needed space
i know i'll be asleep by the time you make it to my place.
but i promise i will remember to wait,
and to always choose the saints.