i. hunger It starts with the want to fill the hole in my soul that anxiety has chipped away at with the only reliable thing that will make me feel good food wonderful, instantly gratifying food
ii. consume Chocolates and junk food or spoonfuls of ice cream and a brownie desserts that top off a Sunday brunch push away the thoughts that say this is a horrible idea and feast!
iii. sickness My stomach begins to churn my chest gets tight and I feel like emptying my stomach my mind my life regret attacks my stomach and mind karma for the horrible decision I made junk food hates me as much as I care for it
iv. guilt My stomach is a bloated planet my thighs its insurmountable mountains look what you have done? you fat idiot! consuming and consuming soon your body will make you unloveable I try to empty my stomach bent over pristine porcelain sweat dripping down my face desperately googling for help to hurt myself
v. aftermath Three-digit number I’m too ashamed to speak it but I feel the numbers imprint in my mind with a note stop eating as much as possible so guilt follows every meal every moment spent in front of a mirror is an inspection bulging thighs flabby arms stomach barely contained how do you show your face in public? a binger too afraid to purge when will you finally feel guilty enough to take action? these thoughts stay in my head until the next binge then they return again