I cringe at the things I have said to try and get you to tell me directly
Angry at the lack of honesty
Honestly
I liked the lies better
They were so much easier
When we lied we were on the same level
Only the truth brings one of us ahead
And we have both been losing for what feels like forever
So I just learned to be okay with it
I grew sick of trying to change it
So I stopped trying to change it
And I let it
Die out
Slowly
Making it
Easy
Neither of us were ever good at keeping promises
And we both knew that
We both knew how this would end
So why
Why did I try it again
Why
Do i let you in
Why
Do I let you put your arms around me
And whisper things into my ear
I would not soon repeat to anyone
Why do I know in the back of my mind
That your arms do not mean safety
But you put them so securely around me
It made me
Want to believe that they did

So I let you kiss me
And I let myself regret it
And I promised myself I wouldn't do it again


And then I did it again.