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Maddy
Poems
Feb 2018
How You Know You're Sick
Constant cold becomes comforting
Even when you know it's because
Your body is dying
Hunger pains make you smile
In fact
They become glamorized in your mind
Tea is good
But when it fills your stomach with 0 calorie goodness
It tastes great
Standing up always makes you dizzy
So instead of eating
You learn how to keep walking even when walls turn into floors
You beg for help
From someone who is just as sick as you
To become more successfully sick
Meals turn into binges
Food is just a number
And so are you
You constantly think about
If the way you are sitting makes you look
Even worse than normal
Words like dainty, starved, light
Make you feel
More powerful than gods
There are nightmares where
All you do
Is eat ******* fries
When even the people you love the most
Become annoying
Because of how often they say you're perfect
The saying
"You're not fat, but, you're not skinny."
Becomes your most hated string of language
When you know exactly what the risks are
You repeat them in your mind everyday
But it just doesn't matter anymore
You have already accepted your death
Because it's either get skinny
Or die trying
I'm having a day.
#personal
#thoughts
#im
#actually
#in
#recovery
#believe
#it
#or
#not
Written by
Maddy
18/F
(18/F)
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