"i bet death feels like emdless, dreamless sleep." this is the source of my near constant anxiety. I wish i knew God. i don't believe in anything. i didn't think about what that meant until after i tried to **** myself. endless, dreamless sleep. maybe there are dreams, few and far between. feels like nothing. imagine nothing. i exist, feel these things, take up space, die and feel nothing nothing nothing. but then the infrequent dreams become more. constant lucid dreams where the neon sky vibrates and the entire world does what i tell it to.

i am not afraid to die.