i had an epiphany recently
about candy

candy: a delicious treat that comes in various shapes and sizes,
all forms of it
maddeningly unhealthy.

i hadn't gone grocery shopping in a while,
so i was eating candy, because it was the only thing in the house.
it wasn't that i couldn't afford food,
it was that i didn't make the fact clear enough
that there wasn't any food left.

this isn't a poem yet, bear with me:
i went to a friend's house,
i was served something that could be considered "real food",
and I threw up.
my friend was confused, and worried.
i explained, i had a really sensitive stomach.
i thought it was because i was too full,
i had eaten m&m's for lunch before that taco,
and i knew i should have refused
but i didn't want to be rude.

my friend glared at me, and said:
"have you really ONLY eaten m&m's for the past few days?"
well, yes. it was sustenance, wasn't it?
i had to eat.
i didn't understand what was wrong with me.

then, she said:
"that's called starvation."
starvation? but i ate-
then i realized, she was right.
you can replace food in your life with candy,
like you can replace a friend with a screen,
or sunlight with a bright lightbulb,
or exercise with a single jumping jack,

and you can do this for an indefinite amount of time,
because you don't think too much about the replacement,
or the emptiness you feel,
the mysterious presence that isn't actually there, the opposite of a presence, you could say (if you'd like).

but eventually, if you don't get the real thing,
you'll die.