Do you know how hard it was to watch you on TV?
I saw it all again in a blue rush
The smoke from a cigarette blown just in from the garden door
Your broken needles and stupid little games littering the floor
A black coffee and a dusty bed
Us talking for hours while the sun falls and rises from the dead
Crowed parties of your own design
You looking at me from them
A gulf in a crowd
Making me laugh in my small crimes
We liked the way our dreams worked
Together in each other's bedrooms
Floating in your eyes I see the soul spin
Of heavenly physics clouded in fun and evil
To see all that in your face
Is not to see God
or even any abject grace
But its been a year
and you're talking to the interviewer
Shepherded and meek
Cared for another I see it all in that week
You're Talking to the TV
rather than at me
The grass is rarely greener
sights of when you see her
Alone and discarded,
I see you now on the screen
Eyes so hollow
near your bike -- you're so lean
It was painful and insufferable
the inhumanity of your stare
I'm killed by cruelty
or even maybe by my silence
You're talking to the TV
Rather than to me
But my tears are becoming moonlight
one day they'll be sunlight
then just light
A violent light of my own
And not light dredged up from you.