my bedroom floor has become
a graveyard for beer cans
and cigarette butts

still,
the moon smiles at me

i know what he's thinking
and i don't dare say
any of it out loud

i've lost track of the time,
yet again
and i'm frantically spiraling
into the night
and sinking into the ground
beneath me

my sense of self control
is barely even in existence,
anymore

i can't seem to stay away
from bad decisions

it's almost as though
i deliberately seek
them out
just to make sure
my life stays
exactly the same