coffee shop dazes in the rain
4:15 cravings
knit sweaters that I always forget
the clatter of change on the table

mindless small talk for hours
my fingers fidgeting with my phone
a second order of sweetness
another dozen moments of silence

trying desperately to keep the conversation going
your hand constantly on your phone
and I don’t know what I am doing anymore
all I know is that I might be desperate

because I have no idea if you notice
that over sips of coffee my eyes wander to you
all your denim and your scuffed up sneakers and your bed hair
I notice the lines in your hands and the hollow of your throat

and I keep biting my tongue to keep myself from saying
I kinda wanna hold your hand in mine
I kinda wanna push the hair out of your eyes
I kinda want you all to myself

I clench my hands in my lap
knowing that you are inches from me
knowing that I can hold your heartbeat if I could
knowing that you will never allow it

and maybe I will stay here
right across from you in coffee shops
trying to hide my smile behind tentative sips
knowing that I do not have a place with you.