the crunch of leaves beneath my feet
and the smell as they burn
return me to the land that was my home.
eyes closed so i can see the past
as it tries to escape from my fingertips.
and i can no longer tell what is real from what is remembered.
i see my brother running in front of me,
turning back so that his vibrant gold eyes catch the light just so
and i am there with him.
my youth is the only thing that is real to me in that moment,
the laughter,
the crisp cool air
biting at my cheeks and leaving them rouged,
a smile staking its claim on my lips for the moment.
it all kept me sane.
and as the image fades, i am brought back down to earth.
the somber tones of grey surround me as my brother’s gold fades away
and i am left with no more happiness.
the blood leaves my cheeks as my lips shrivel up into a hard pressed line.
the air has gone warm and heavy
as my lungs begin to strain to get the oxygen without drowning.
childhood fun has turned to the dark days of adulthood and i do not know how to live this life anymore.
when innocence and ignorance are gone you are left with reality,
and I’m not quite sure how to live with that.