sometimes I wonder what it feels like to die,
but then I remember the warm july nights.
how your face filled with fright when I called you and said in a few short hours I'd probably be dead.
I was a train without tracks,
human with a lack of something better.
I had nothing worthwhile anymore,
no options to explore.
and it was just beginning for you,
but it had been over for me.
couldn't you see the lifelessness beaming from my eyes?
each time I'd ******* look at you,
I was losing my mind.
I said sorry for taking too many pills,
but I had no will to stop.
you dropped them all down the drain,
this would end your strain.
I thrived off each dose,
thought it would be a miracle to induce a comatose.
I was full of somethings,
all I wanted was nothing.
I tried to wish away the sinking feeling in my chest,
it would be best to rid myself of all that I am and ever will be.
you wouldn't let me.
your voice at 3:05 am awoke me from my trance,
it was pure enough to make the angels dance.
I knew that I was breathing then,
but I was not alive.
I know what it feels like to die.