You speak
You yell
You slam

These are the things I remember

The times of fear
The trembling of my hands
The streams of tears

These are the things I remember

The times of hatred
The fire burning
Yet I hid it
In fear
You slam
Remember?
That's what I remember

Do you remember?
I don't believe you
The hugs you gave
That drove me insane
You said it was fine
You never asked me
You asked yourself
Is it okay?
Yes
That's not what I said

Tears
I hope I left a stain
I recall all that

The times when you raised the hand
I don't recall if I felt it
The time I stared at the number on the screen
Debating
I took to long
The door opened and you were there
I never made that call
That day is when my Fear burned bright
My instincts told me to run
I was frozen
Had I run
What would you have done?
Raised your voice or your hand
Or something else
I hope I'll never know

I want to know

Are my fears justified
I can only know if I break out of my silence
Silence that screams
Run
Leave
Forget

Forgetting is what I've done so far
Repress
Suppress
Forget the times
I forget the times that would lessen my fear
Do those times even exist
I don't know
I don't care

I have to break free
A cage I've built for protection
You used it against me
To keep me where you want me
Vulnerable

Silence is screaming
All the times
I curled up
Fear
Hurt
Pain
I don't want to feel that way
Yet here I am
Silent
Staying put in fear
I can't speak
Tongue tied
Screaming Inside
Caught up in my own words
That you will never hear

Shut up
I don't care
...
Silence