The condensation slowly begins To eat a hole in The cotton of my jeans And I've been through this enough To know I'm not alone in it But I can't help but feel empty.
The dripping grass emits it's gasses filling the air with the sweet smell of freedom and October; The plants releasing their last breath into the world before the snow comes and brings death upon us all.
Even in this facade of freedom I feel trapped Caging myself within the confines of a small One-bedroom apartment that's supposed to be "home".
The soaking corpses of thriving flowers and the sweet tickle of chirping crickets are drowned out by the overwhelming sadness that's begun to overthrow my lungs, echoing throughout my limbs as it sloshes through my eardrums and soaks my shoes
Dear god, why am I still hurting? It's been 9 years and I still can't escape. This depression has stolen every last part of me. Until it's all I have left.
And yes, out here, I feel free Away from the judgement Where no one can touch me Connected with the Earth Simply observing all that surrounds me.
And of course I can hide from my anxiety But even feeling the cleanest sand between my feet And deafening my mind with these crashing waves around me I can't run from the demons eating at the tatters of my soul Because they will find a way to lure me back in To disconnect me from the beauty that surrounds me Leaving me dying alone on the cold, dark concrete that lines my broken memories Bleeding out these sins until I no longer feel empty
Wrote this while sitting on a hill overlooking Lake Michigan. Felt connected to nature but still plagued with my depression creeping around inside me.