you met me in the most vulnerable moment of my life, i was split open, warm, bleeding on the concrete. you were perfectly aware i was a bundle of pain and fear, a creature caught in a bear trap, ready to chew its own leg to escape. i consider you more or less as my second car crash.
that one time you asked me if i felt safe with you i lied and said yes, but i really should have listened to the real answer, hidden in my stomach between all the caffeine and progesteron i needed to took for keeping myself sane... i should have said:
*absolutely not, i will reach out the door of your home as soon as possible and just keep on walking towards mine and never look back because i foretell you will tear up the fragments of my heart and just spit on them and and and *
i just said yes but i lied.
i just said yes but i lied.
i just said yes but i lied.
now i know it was all fake, i forced myself to ingest plastic and to pretend it was cake. i let you inject silicone into my heart and i started to think that was good to me, that was love, that was caring for me... but it wasn't -- it was just a sad and not so well done imitation of a real feeling which would have unlocked the doors to my body, your ultimate goal.
i was already dying and you gave me the final stab.
i hope you will never sleep again until i forgive you.
it won't happen very soon.