You use the ******* to drown the pain.
It makes you feel good and feel fine
While your life flows down the drain
Of a sink you don't use to clean yourself.
Your chest aches when you wake
And your stomach flips because of the limit you always exceed.
You can't do hard liquor but there's no slowing your beer intake.
I can feel your existence shudder and shake
From your core you freeze in this snow.
The high you can't get from the life you let yourself live.
I stand here watching you die and you love to tell me how I don’t know
But the sad thing is I know I could be you.
It's something I feel every day that I’m afraid to do.
My life is nothing like yours and I can’t even compare.
You pass out in the doorway and never wash your hair.
When I met you my body began to attack itself
And I tried to remind you of what love could feel like
But the cold in your chest could never love back
Because I don't think you know what it feels like to begin with.
So starved for food, for love, for purpose that you treat it all like a myth.
I tell you it's not healthy and you try to convince me you're not human.
You act extra trying to convince me you're an extraterrestrial
But I’m expecting to one day soon attend your burial.
You scare me with how dead you want to be.
I’ve made jokes about dying but it's never something I planned to see.
Here you are digging your bed and filling such pain in your head.
The alcohol is your next demon and it's the swimming pool you'll live in
Regardless of the drugs or cigarettes because I know sobriety is not your strong suit.
The ice may overtake your body but the river will flood your mind
And it's not the kind of problem you can fix by being a brute.
You try to fight away all the words and all the eyes you attract
Because I don't think you can handle if the words are a fact.
The medical world is focused on our elders and their dementia or Alzheimer’s disease
But I feel like it's worth stating that alcoholism or your addiction is on the level of these.
People my age are drinking and smoking until they forget.
They forget themselves and the ones they love because they want to escape everything they feel is a threat.
You'll wake up shaking and crying about the pain you're in but not remember the night you lived,
All the fun you might have had or the horror you might have inflicted is lost by the time you awoke and writhed in agony.
All my words are dead and I can't revive them again to try to remind you of something you never learned.
You can't remember anything and you wonder why I’m concerned.
You're living with a disease and it feels like a lie to say you're even living.
Your happiness is not in a bag and not in a bottle because those thrills are unforgiving.
I wish you'd listen to me.
I know you're lying if you say you're free.