Every night, I felt more alive
During the day, my bones crumble
My eyes hurt and muscles ache
I live for the my pen sketching lines
I entrust my passion with my skills
I never thought I could actually execute this?

There are times I party until collapsing
Funny how I fill myself with alcohol
but fall on my knees at two
I'm so young but ashamed of it

It's so hard for me to accept before
all these words that I should learn more
Six times a day I spent mourning
instead of motivating myself in the morning

At the table, they tell me what to do
But ****, what should I do?
I feel myself fading from existence
Do I still have a chance?
I'm already twenty
And I'm still here sitting pretty.

Scary it is, I feel scared to find myself alone
unlike before where I enjoy being lone
My generation and the younger ones
Are far more notorious than what you think

I want to go somewhere I could call my own
A perfect place for me to settle down
but I could not imagine myself living in a mansion.
You might think I'm insane,
but my heart feels lonely between the stone walls

I spent my life looking for happiness
I was left nothing but expectations getting ripped
My life missed all the opportunities and second chances
I seek for what I should have rather felt.

My hands feel the unwanted fire seeping inside me
All these losing myself and stress gets me
I don't know why I am like this,
I get called weak by many
but I'm a hero of my story
I get called wicked by some
But ****, I am the all of it.

The nights I spent inking papers
I saw myself getting exhausted to achieve perfection
should I give up? I think I should
So I dropped my pen and pursued something else

I stood in front of strangers and led them
I listen to their voices, but I couldn't handle my own
My feet started to ran away from myself
I was **** afraid of my ghost

I saw my feet got bruised
I lost everything and got myself abused
I spent countless nights over my heart
who beats for uncertainties
but what a fool, I held tightly to it.

For once, my head thought my heart is my hero
It's hilarious seeing my weep to over a heroine
I thought and believed was mine,
I realized she belonged to herself

My body got wasted with no alcohol
Drained from lemons, I kept on getting
I feel like bursting everything out
but If I do, I will lose it again.

A day ago, I got a memo that I should get it
I should catch my superior's drift
That playroom does not fit my age anymore.
But my heart thought this was a perfect place?
Should I let my alter ego fall in peace?


I forgot I was not anymore young
But I'm still embarrassed
My mind caught the idea of drifting soon
I should retract everything and come back to my roots
because I couldn't stay in paradise forever

My face should not be shield by art
instead I should make myself my masterpiece
What the **** have I been doing all my life?
I regret that I let myself lose everything.

The door's closed
opportunity knocked
I want myself getting hit
by harsh words to pull a new me
I never knew that anywhere is a paradise for me
If acceptance's stamped on my feet,
Morals and knowledge circulate harmoniously inside.

Keeping my head up is what I need,
To leave the paradise, I've been
The people who had lived and died
Will soon return to their lives
Carrying nothing on our backs
But memories of the place we will leave behind.