As empty as you feel when your headphones are on
and no music is playing.
As full  as a heart can be,
full enough to hear its beating like the noice a traffic  light makes,
while you are waiting for it to switch from red to green.
As full as lungs filled with air but still...
you feel like you are not able to breathe.


Longing to pour it all out,
to shout it out loud until your throat hurts
like it does after singing that one song at a karaoke bar.

But your lips remain sealed
and words stuck between thoughts.
Thoughts so loud,
you can't even remember the sound of your voice anymore.

As hopeless as the thick air on that 1st January morining
when you walk down the empty streets,
knowing this isn't a new beginning.
As quiet as the big city life seems
when you are lying ****** on the ground
with the right people around.

As painful as not being able to tell
if you are made out of atoms
or just a concept.
As surreal as feeling alive.

I could be more like milk and honey,
but I'm somewhere between nothing and affection
just like water and oil.

Everything i reach out for,
everything i touch,
becomes water and oil.
Mixed up,
but yet still separate.
Never one.
Not even when you get as close,
as two people can be in this world.
When you are burning holes on each-others
skins and souls.

As messy as hair after world-crashing ***.
As complicated as the ability to understand that emotions
are artificial paradises.
As strong as your longing to puke your brain out.

As hard as not being able to...