Two weeks after the breakup I watched my reflection ******* trace a puffy purple bag. under my eye, A smirk sprouted A loud Sargent boomed in my skull
Dear Maggot, As we march further Into the territory of single life. We, The voices in your head Have voted unanimously Thumper, The results.
Sir yes Sir. Nick your descisions in reguard to relationships Were convicted of self-destruction.
Here is some Dating Advice From the voices in your head.
1. Don't Stick it in the Crazy.
2. I'm serious nick. Stop sticking it in the crazy.
3. Although ******* inside a woman Whom loves you and wants a baby Is a fulfilling, Romantic experience. With Tinder dates this is no longer Routine. ******* inside a first date Behind a lighthouse Without a ******, Should not be YOUR FIRST INSTINCT FOR ******* IDIOT
4. Remember it is okay to **** your friends.
5.. remember it is not okay to Rebound **** your friends.
6. Having *** with a new gender For the first time Is exactly like losing your virginity All over again. You have no idea what you like anymore. Why isn't this working? That doesn't go there, Oh My god, Please put that there.
7. Some of your ex's Will start talking to you again. You should still probably not sleep with them. Okay once, but now no more... okay seriously STOP SLEEPING WITH YOUR ...Oh never mind.
8. When a girl reaches for a 2-liter of soda After having *** in the backseat of your car. Do not assume she's thirsty. She may lift the soda bottle to her ******. I know what you're thinking, Yes it's that bad. Watch! As the soda. Magically disappears! When she spreads her legs and says: "Drink from me" ...and of course when you say: "No" She will get extremely upset at you, and Scream at how terrible of a person you are. While squirting ****** coke All over the back seat of your car.
Please be very clear About where you stand On drinking ****** coke From the beginning.
9. Just because someone is in a relationship, Does not mean they won't sleep with you. Asking if the boyfriend or husband is okay With you guys. Is a good first step to taking the higher ground. Asking during *** Might **** the mood.
10. eat plenty of Potassium. foot cramps ruin everything.
11. Listen here maggot, When a girl leaves something behind, She probably wants a second date. Even if what the woman left Was ******* ****** coke All over your brand new leather seats.
12. STOP. STICKING IT IN THE CRAZY.
13. Some of the people you sleep with. By some miracle, Will still want to talk to you. You crazy *******. They might make amazing friends. You might even have *** again. If you're lucky, They'll teach you something