screaming at the top of my lungs won’t help anymore because i’m always going to return to a home which waits for me in a spectrum of disappointments and crises.
what good is a blade to the arm going to do when blood won’t erase the permanent scars that already exist and my ears ring with screams of my abandoned past.
i believed i could indulge in trustfall but that only made my trust fall even further down the vortex of mistake after mistake after mistake am i incorrigible.
am i incorrigible i ask my reflection in the mirror and the mirror breaks. it crumbles, shatters and breaks and tells me to go away.
another year of existence goes by my existence that’s caught in a cobweb of broken promises and hands that were let go of. “happy birthday” congratulations, you’ve lived to see another day.
you’ve lived to see another day but in what way in what way will you move in what way will you rescue yourself from love across continents, four thousand four hundred and eighty three miles away how will you save yourself from drowning in the width between your stretching fingers and the blade how will you stop hurting yourself by assuming responsibility and clinging on to false longevity. you cross your own limits too ******* often too ******* often to even notice that the line exists.
take a ******* break you don’t need to keep polishing your heart of gold you don’t need to keep ripping your sanity apart for a couple of approving nods you don’t need to say yes to everything you see because you need to be free, you are not in a pod and you are not a pea.
you’re hearing voices, noises uncontrollable, you’re not okay and that’s okay. but how do i survive when the one i love can’t even look me in the eyes and say it’ll be fine how can i live in peace when time moves so ******* slowly and the me that loved the sunlight is craving for long nights that dim light in the corner is the closest i'll ever get to loving the sunrise.